What is a “ME DAY,” How to Plan One + Why You Need Time to Yourself No Matter Your Season

Ten years ago I was in the thick of young motherhood, my husband was working constantly, and I just wanted to go for an uninterrupted run. When my carefully laid plans for that run nearly fell apart, I stormed out of my house yelling "I never have time for myself!" Unfortunately, I don't think I'm alone in feeling that way.

In this episode I'm sharing research backed reasons why women are feeling more stressed than ever, nearing burnout with their overwhelming list of responsibilities, and something they can realistically do about it. I want to encourage each of you to implement a "Me Day," something I've prioritized yearly for the past several years. In this episode I break down the specifics of how to plan a day for yourself (spoiler: it can also be just a couple hours!) and ways to combat your long list of excuses.

American Psychology Association, Psychology Today, Burnout episode with Amelia Nagoski, Hobbies episode

About a few other things...

Do you struggle to create habits that stick? It's not your fault. The truth is simple: you've been trying to form habits using methods designed for perfect robots--not real women living real lives. It's time to change that. If I could help you gain confidence in creating habits AND guide you to uncover the ONE supportive habit to deeply care for yourself, could you commit 21 days to learning this method? The Sticky Habit Method is a 21-day course that revolutionizes the habit-formation process. It's real habits for real women.

Sign up for the Go Getter Newsletter to get Progress Pointers in your inbox every Tuesday.

Today's episode is brought to you by Redd Remedies, use code 'PROGRESS' for 20% off your order.

SHOW NOTES
Try me FREE Class and check out my NEW Habit Course
Leave a rating and review for the podcast!
Lend your voice and experience + be featured on the show HERE
Join Monica on Facebook and Instagram
Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club

TRANSCRIPT

Monica Packer: Welcome to About Progress. I'm Monica Packer, a regular mom and recovering perfectionist who uncovered the truest model to dramatic but lasting personal growth. It's progress made practical. Join us to leave the extremes behind and instead learn how to do something to grow in ways that stick. If you've heard so much about our Do Something list, but keep getting stuck on creating your own, get our free training.

You can find [email protected] slash dsl.

Brad and I don't have big fights that often, and that's not a humble brag because honestly that can be a problem. We've had to learn how to fight and argue more often. That's another story for another day. But there is one fight that's pretty memorable for me. I don't know about Brad, and it was fairly early on in our marriage, maybe five or six years in.

And I now think that's early on. I'm sure. Back then I thought we had been married for a lifetime, but now that we're almost 16 years in, I'm like, oh, that wasn't that far into our marriage. But this one is especially striking to me just because of, of the moment I had at the end of this fight that I wanna share with you, let me set the scene a little bit.

We had two small children. One was a toddler and one was a baby. And Brad was an accountant, a CPA, he was working for an accounting firm and it was during busy season, which means you're working at least six, most often seven days a week. And since he worked in San Francisco, that's an hour commute both directions.

I was the primary caretaker at all times, like around the clock for several months on end. And I know some, many of you do this like year round cheers and blessings and, and gifts to you. But this often can be a really challenging time because not only was I the primary caretaker, I was the sole caretaker.

So much so that my oldest, my toddler at the time, got accustomed to calling Brad instead of dad. And that carried on for two years now. At this point in my life, I was a consistent runner, and most of the time I would run with the kids in my giant Bob stroller, just pushing them around the running trails in our town.

And they were great, they had a lot of interruptions in those runs. Like someone needed a snack or a book or someone was crying or someone poked the other one. So I really just wanted to have one run to myself on a Saturday morning before Brad had to rush off to work. And most of the time we didn't even see him on Saturday morning.

So I remember talking to him in advance and saying, Hey, on Saturday morning, can I go for a run? And he said, sure. That Saturday morning came and I get up with the kids and I realized that Brad is packing his bag for work. And I told him, Hey, I was gonna go on a run. And he is I need to go to work.

I don't know if we woke up late or whatever it is, but regardless, there was this moment of discomfort where we're both staring at each other and we both really want and need to go and do something. And I'm at this breaking point in my caretaking capacity that I have nothing left to give and I need this moment to myself.

And Brad can sense that, and he's in a conundrum. So yes, he says, Of, yeah, go ahead and go. But he says that with the stress on his side too, that I can see so visibly and I'm mad. I am boiling because not only do I take care of everything, all day, all night without asking for anything in return, I needed just this moment and I now have to manage his stress too, about how he needs to go to work. So I very immaturely started running out the door, and as I ran out, I yelled over my shoulder, "I never get time to myself" and slammed the door. I. Not my finest hour, but I was thinking about this the other day because my life is still really full.

Luckily Brad's around a lot more often than he was then. But both of us have so little time between work and now three other children added to those two from the story that it's interesting that was the crux of the problem to me that I don't have time to myself. But now, even though we're honestly just as busy, I do find more time to myself because I learned how essential that time is for both me and Brad to show up as ourselves to this very chaotic life that we are living.

The contrast is so clear to me because as I ran out the door and screamed over my shoulder, that is not me. That is not typically how I would show up to a misunderstanding or a miscommunication like that. Normally, I would be able to take a deep breath and we could talk it through and figure it out together, but instead, I went into a rage and ran out the door anyway and wasn't cooperative and wasn't willing to hear him out and to figure it out together.

And that's what happens when we don't have that time to ourselves. We find it hard to be ourselves. Now, if you are a caregiver in any capacity, and this includes whether you have children or children in your life, you care for the elderly in your life, or you have a job that's related to caregiving, I find especially that time to ourselves is paramount to being ourselves, and that distinction's really important because in that moment where I was screaming over my shoulder and slamming a door, that was not me. That's not the typical Monica of the ways I feel and the way I show up to my family. And if you're having those scream out over the shoulder and slam the door moments, whether it's visible or internal, and it's just bubbling under the surface all the time, then I want you to consider how you are not being yourself because of that one element perhaps being a big factor that you don't get time to yourself.

Do you want to show up better for the people you care for? Then you need time away from them. And yet it's those very responsibilities that make it so very difficult to step away. Today I wanna teach you about not only the importance of taking this time, but how you can realistically plan and follow through with what I call a me day, regardless of how all encompassing your responsibilities are.

More than money. Time is our greatest commodity. But here's the thing, women have less disposable time than men do. I know that's a really bold statement, but it's absolutely true. Now I teach more about why this is why women have less time and other factors than men do. In my free class, the number one reason why women must do habits differently.

But I wanted to pull from that class and share this fact with you on how it translates to less disposable. Time meaning me time, right? This comes from Melinda Gates and research that she has done with her. Amazing, I don't wanna say company, but it's not, it's an organization. Anyway, she says, quote, on average, women spend four and a half hours a day doing household chores while men spend less than half as much time, unquote.

That's true for those who stay at home with their children or who work outside the home or do a combination, but that's a massive difference. Literally double the time each day on household chores. And what does that mean? That means less time to and for yourself. People call this leisure time or me time.

But honestly, I think time to yourself is sanity time, because when you don't have that time, you feel like you are not yourself. And that kind of has that feeling, like I, I feel insane. I don't feel embodied in myself. Yeah, just like sleep and exercise and nutrition. I want to propose to you that time to and for yourself is essential to managing your mental and physical health.

But then yet again, we come back to the same conundrum. Women have less of it. To back this up. I researched this a little bit more recently. The Pew Research Center did a survey that shows women have less leisure time than men about five hours less than men in homes without kids. That's interesting. Even without children, it's still five hours less a week, and that number falls to even more if there are children in the home.

There's a lot of reasons why this matters, and I could probably talk about it for hours, but I know there's just one simple way we can distill down why this matters to one thing and it's stress. And friends. This is another research backed finding that women experience significantly higher levels of stress than men, and I have to wonder about the correlation there.

Less time to yourself. More stress. I'll link to some sources that I found for you, but I found them at Psychology Today and the American Psychological Association. So two very reputable places where they did research on this. And here's what they shared is that stress impacts not only women's mental health, but their literal physical body health and.

I think we all know this ourselves, experientially. We know that stress doesn't feel good, but I'm curious if you can pinpoint how stress actually manifests in your mind and in your body. Stress often starts out mentally and then translates physically, but a lot other times it can happen the reverse, where we're feeling it more physically in our bodies and trying to ignore it and stuff it down until we get to those kind of explosive moments.

Mentally, regardless of how you can notice at first, whether it's physically or mentally, We know that it becomes something called the stress response cycle. When your body stays in this perpetual state of cortisol and that state, if it's not completed, has a huge effect on your physical health and your mental health.

From that Psychology Today article that I'm going to link for you, they said chronic stress increases the risk for a wide range of psychological and physical health conditions including anxiety, depression, heart disease, digestive disorders, and sleep problems. On quote, now that's just a few, but from the other place I was researching American Psychological Association and I'll, again, I'll link to that in the show notes for you.

It literally, lays it out about how stress impacts women more and more deeply than men and what specific ways, and it's surprising. So I actually decided to turn this into screening questions rather than reading to you like line by line the data on this. So here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna ask a couple screening questions and it connects back to that resource I shared. And I want you to, as I'm going through this, think about is this me? Is this how stress is impacting me right now? And how is that impact and linked back to how little time I have to and for myself. So let's do that.

Does stress limit the way you care for and support yourself? Because you're feeling so stressed. In other words, do you find it difficult to support yourself through nourishing meals, through having s solid sleep at night? Are you up a lot at night? Do you skip meals? Do you emotionally eat?

That's one of the screening questions they, or one of the resources they shared there. Do you find yourself numbing out when you do finally have precious time instead of doing things that help you feel cared for and supported, then you know that you are dealing with this personally. So that was the first one.

Does stress limit the way you care for and support yourself? The next one is, does your stress immobilize you? I think because stress feels like such a frenetic energy, we don't often connect it to how stress can make us literally stuck. Stuck in that numbing behavior I mentioned before, but also stuck with other things you want and need to do.

Do you find it difficult to start a habit, will help you? Do you feel low energy? Are you more sedentary than you'd like to be because of how stressed you feel? Are you exhausted? Does your stress immobilize you? The third screening question is, does stress aggravate you? So while that frenetic energy can exhaust you, it can also make you hopped up on those stress hormones.

So are you often on edge? Are you often anxious or snappy or not acting like yourself? Do you find yourself more angry? Than you typically would think of yourself as I'm not an angry person, and yet all I'm, no, I'm just snapping at everyone around me. I'm not acting like myself. That's a big factor, and that was the one I experienced the most.

Does stress aggravate you? And the final question is, does stress make you feel burnt out? Amelia Naski and her sister Emily Naski wrote a book on this called Burnout, and I've had them both on the show. I highly recommend those episodes. But burnout is basically this feeling of just not being able to do what you need to do in any.

Within. Within any form of reason. So do you feel less interested in what you used to be able to do? Do you find yourself less able to follow through because you don't have the energy your tasks require? Do you feel sad or hopeless or desperate about what your day-to-day life usually entails than you are experiencing burnout?

So with those questions, and I'll just quickly repeat them, does stress limit the way you care for and support yourself? Does stress immobilize you? Does stress aggravate you? Does stress make you feel burnt out? As you're considering those, I want you to tally that up. Okay, where am I experiencing stress in my life and maybe ways I didn't pinpoint before?

And then I want you to consider how that stress is tied back to the limited time you have to and for yourself. When you don't have time to yourself, it's harder to take care of yourself. And then when you don't feel yourself in your body, it's even harder to feel like yourself mentally too. And then it's next to impossible to even be yourself as you take care of the responsibilities, which is quite often.

Relationships that matter most to you. It all comes full circle and actually all becomes a cycle back to the stress response cycle. Again, I'll link to everywhere I got all this information from, including those episodes I mentioned, but now let's talk about what do we do about this. In addition to taking better care of ourselves through habits and systems and routines, as well as asking for more help starting within our own households, think about how all of the above can contribute to you taking back the most precious commodity we have.

Time, specifically time to and for yourself. This can happen more regularly in your day-to-day life through certain habits and hobbies that you pick up. And I've spoken about both in length and will link to some episodes you might want to consider in the show notes. But one of my most favorite ways to take time to and for myself is something that I've just mentioned in passing, but I wanna spend more time the rest of this episode going into and has become an annual tradition that I look forward to all year long.

Me day

after the break, I'll share more specifically about it and how you can plan your own. And a quick spoiler. It doesn't actually have to take a full day.

It is so fitting that we've been talking about the stress response cycle, this episode because of today's sponsor, Redd Remedies and how they want to help women specifically better manage the stress that they are feeling at the biological level. Now women are more prone to higher levels of stress than men, and this is especially true for those who are trying to conceive who are pregnant, who are nursing, and who are moms in general.

I interviewed Stacey Littlefield on this topic back in June in episode 500 and. Six, and we talked about the many ways that women can better deal with their stress levels, including biologically. Stacey is the master herbalist at Red Remedies who is responsible for formulating Peaceful Mama, a healthy supplement that is safe for those who are trying to conceive pregnant and nursing, and provide real relief and solutions for stress reduction and peace, for emotional balance, and for more support.

To have a calm and healthy digestive system. These supplements are vegetarian and gluten-free. Stacey was also the master herbalist behind Rhythm and Flow, which is a natural formula that can help balance out the big variations in mood fatigue and just overall discomfort associated with P M s. You can check out both of these supplements as well as many more by going to red remedies.com and using our code progress for 20% off.

Don't forget, you can go to reddremedies.com. That's red with two D's, so Re dd remedies.com and use our code progress to get 20% off. You can't find that discount anywhere else, by the way. I hope you check it out. Reddremedies.com

Before I share more about me day, let's go back to that fight I told you about the beginning of the episode. I can be honest and tell you that the stress response cycle I was in the middle of during that moment, never fully completed for a few years. I never have time for myself that I shouted over my shoulder.

That really was the biggest factor to that incomplete stress response cycle and healing that and helping with that is where my very first do something list came in. Okay. On that list, I had something I had never heard of before, but I just decided, Hey, let's try this out. I'm going to take a mom day, and that's what I now call a me day.

It really was a misnomer because instead of a mom day, it really meant that I was going to take a day. To myself and for myself outside of my typical mom responsibilities and dad, my husband Brad, took over the mom responsibilities and I got to do what I wanted that day. The very first time I did this mom day, what it looked like for me is from the morning, like from seven o'clock to six o'clock at night, Brad took over and I took the day off and I went to the gym.

I got ready. I took a train into San Francisco and went to this amazing art gallery. I went window shopping and then took a train home. And when I came home, Brad had dinner ready and that was really great. We had three kids at the time and it was our first time ever doing something like that. And it was, honestly, I think Brad's first time having a full day in charge of all the childcare and home responsibilities, and he was an awesome sport. And I'm sure the look on my face when I came home to home cook dinner, which I wasn't expecting, was just one of pure love and excitement and fulfillment. So that was the very first time I have done a me day.

Every single year, at least once a year for the past eight years now, and each of my me days have looked different every year. Some are full days, like seven to five or six o'clock at night, but most of them are just half days or even just a few hours. Some of my me days have involved spending money, others have involved me not spending any money at all.

I'm going to give you a step-by-step on how to create and follow through with your own mean day. But before I do that, I am gonna be honest with you. I know you already have some reservations that come up, and likely those reservations could be worded in a sentence that starts with the word, but. But my husband can't help out at home, but I'm a single mom, but I don't have any money, but I have a special needs child and all of those obstacles that begin with that word, but are very valid, and I will cover those after I go through this step-by-step plan that you can follow, including that childcare issue that you might have if you're at a really tough time in your childhood raising life. Not that we all have children who listen, but if that is one of your big buts, keep listening.

I wanna start with a me day definition. A me day is time set aside to and for yourself outside of your traditional responsibilities. If you work full-time, that means you take time away from those work responsibilities to have time for just you. That includes if your work is raising children in the home.

That includes if your daily task involve caring for others or responding to a boss, like whatever it is. During your typical day-to-day life, you are taking a step outside of them and creating time. Two, and for yourself, here's what I suggest you do first is start with a moment. If you can't have a full me day yet, or even a full me day is an an hour or two, start with a me moment.

I often find that the proof of something is in the pudding, so having a me moment will help you see why having even just a little time for yourself outside of your responsibilities is so life-giving and helpful to completing that stress response cycle that we have been talking about in this episode.

And. Sometimes we just have particular seasons that are. Really difficult to find that time and asking for even an hour outside of them is like the most herculean effort that you can ever think of. And honestly, that was me even earlier this year after I had my newborn, I was still recovering from surgery on my finger, my hormones were all over the place. I was dealing with extreme postpartum anxiety that to the extent that I had never really experienced since the birth of my first child. I found myself inept and unable to do even the most simplest of tasks around the home. It felt like my world was a dumpster fire, so there was no way I could just say, see ya.

I'm gonna go take off an hour even to have some time to myself. Yeah, but what I could do is create a me moment, even alongside my responsibilities, and that looked like making sourdough, even when the house was a total mess and the baby was in the baby carrier. Just having a way for me to come back to me and creating that by doing something that I love.

Another example I can think of during that time is while I was driving my daughter to her appointments, she's my special needs kid, I would blast Brandy Carlisle or Cam or Taylor Swift and we would talk about the music and compare the songs that we loved. And she would ask me questions about the lyrics and that made me have a me moment 'cause I was bringing me into that moment.

So start with a me moment. Show yourself the power of having time to and for yourself, and experience how that helps you better be yourself for those responsibilities that maybe you can't take a ton of time away from. After you've experienced a me moment and hopefully many more, it's now time for you to pick a date.

Now in the episode title, you'll see that I have day in quotation marks like a "me day." And the reason why day is in quotation marks because is because that the me day can be just an hour or it can be a few hours regardless of what. Like how long it's gonna take. I want you to pick a day this is going to happen and put it on the literal calendar for yourself and for any household members that it applies to, and that might require their cooperation.

I personally would recommend if you've never done this before, scheduling this on your birthday month or even six month birthday, it doesn't have to be that, but having that kind of month or that incentive is a way for you to say, this is what I want for my birthday. I want a me day. I want time to inform myself, even if it's one hour, three hours.

So after you've picked a date, next, I want you to create a plan. You want to come into this day knowing what it is going to entail. You don't wanna just jump in blindly and assume that you are going to know how to spend this time. A lot of women, once they finally have that space and time, find themselves.

Staying stuck on the couch or doing numbing behavior just like we do in a typical day-to-day life. When we suddenly have a minute and we don't know what to do with ourselves, why would it be any different if you don't have a plan For your me day, it's going to be the same. So I want you to just think of a couple of things that you would love to do outside of your responsibilities and fill that up with things that make you feel like yourself.

And if you don't know what that is, like for me, my first me day, I knew going to a museum would help me feel like old Monica again, because I love art and I love art history. It had been so long since I had been to a museum and just having that moment of being back in front of some artwork and learning about them would help me feel like myself.

But if I didn't know that yet about myself, and if you don't, instead of maybe asking what would help me feel like me, maybe you can just think, how do I need to feel right now? Do I need to feel peace? Do I need to feel relaxed? Do I need some fun or to feel more stimulated? Whatever it is you need to feel, I want you to find some things and decide on them about what you can do to fill the time to help you create those feelings.

And even if all you need is just quiet, you can do that. I remember a "me day" early on after that initial one where I just went to the library to read. So that can be your me day, it doesn't have to be extravagant, but either way, whatever you do, I want you to know going into the midday what it's going to entail.

Create a plan. And the final step I want you to follow is to execute. That means you need to follow through with a little bit of flexibility in mind. Now, here's the biggest part to this. It is so easy to get sucked right back in the into the to-dos. I want you to keep this commitment to yourself, even if it's not perfectly done.

I did my me day this year in June, and it was a simpler me day. It wasn't a full day. I went on a longer walk without worrying about if I needed to get back for the kids because Brad took the day off. It was my birthday, by the way, and then I actually did some yard work because that would just give me time to myself, weirdly.

And it wasn't a responsibility for me. I just wanted time in the yard. I actually almost died doing that, by the way, 'cause a compost bin fell on top of me and pinned me underneath. And it's a dramatic tale. But my five-year-old saved me. So that was a moment I got ready, which felt luxurious, and I got myself lunch.

And then after that I watched H G T V. Now since I have a baby, I did have to be a little flexible and break that all up with nursing him. But I didn't do the other things I saw along the way of loading the dishwasher or putting some things away, or switching the laundry or making food for my kids.

I had to be committed to, this is my time and I am going to take it because it's just once a year. And I can do that. I can do that for myself, and my family can do that for me too. When I say execute, of course there's gonna be some things that follow that come up. I had more things on my me day plan this year and they didn't happen, and that was okay.

There was still some flexibility there, but do your best to still follow through and don't get lost in the to-dos and leave other things undone. So what I shared there is to start with a me moment, pick a date, create a plan, and execute. Next up, I wanna talk about the buts.

The buts are the, but Monica, I don't have X, Y, Z I don't have the money, I don't have the support I don't have the ability and I get all that. So let's go through the most common buts that come up and I will say, this is not me trying to dismiss them because your buts, whatever obstacles you have, are definitely valid.

But I do want to lovingly push you and give you that kick in the pants right now to be critical of them. Okay? The first one that is most common is, but I don't have money. If you don't have money, I understand that. So here's the thing, come up with a me date that does not involve you spending money. It doesn't have to even until you getting a drink at a soda shop.

But having that time to and for yourself outside of your responsibilities is so invaluable. So don't spend money and you don't have to. And or another factor or a flip side to this rather, is, Yeah, spend a little money on yourself and that's okay if you have a little bit to that, you can set aside, spend that on yourself.

It's okay. It's okay to spend money on yourself, so it's a both kind of thing. You don't have to, and also you can if you are able, the next big bet, and the biggest one obviously is childcare, but I don't have childcare. Like maybe you have a partner who works. In another town or works extremely long hours or is in a season of life where they can't take time away from work.

I think my first me day, or maybe one or two others were on Saturdays, by the way. So Brad didn't have to take off time from work, which was really nice for both of us. So it doesn't have to entail that, by the way, but if you regardless don't have someone within your household who can step up and take over the childcare, if you have children in the home, I would.

Require I would suggest the first thing here, and one is pay for a babysitter and that takes money. So if that doesn't work for you, the second is, and when you pay for a babysitter, you can just do a me day for one or two hours, okay? The second is do an exchange with a friend. That option is such a win-win.

You get three hours, maybe she gets three hours, maybe you do it in the same day, you get the morning, she gets to afternoon. That is a really great option. The third option is if you do have a loving spouse or a partner in your home who has never done this before, and it is a big ask for you and it's a big ask for them, I want to lovingly push you to require this from your partner.

I can think of no better way for the most important person in your life who was likely the father, okay, the parent to your children to more fully understand what your life is like if you are the primary caretaker, especially, or you find yourself doing the primary care taking even when you have a full-time job anyway, I can think of no better way for a partner to more fully understand what that's like than for them to spend some real time in your shoes doing what you do.

A lot of women ahead of a me day might be tempted to make things really easy for their significant other, maybe to have meals made in advance to make sure carpool is taken care of, to do all the errands so that they don't have to be done that day to, to not ask them to clean or to carpool. And while it is inconvenient in quotes for your partner to be doing that and might require some sacrifice on their part, this is where my mind wants to just like explode, right?

Because what are you doing every day? You follow through with that same inconvenience and that same sacrifice. This doesn't have to be bean counting. This doesn't have to be a quid pro quo. This does not have to be a shove it in their face and rub their noses in it and say, look at what I do. And now you have to do it and see if you like it.

It doesn't have to be about any of that, but it can be a way for them to show you that they love you and it can be also a way for them to experience what it feels like. To be you and maybe why you are so stressed out all the time when you ask someone to sacrifice a bit and to do the thing that's inconvenient for you.

I believe it builds empathy, it creates more connection and more understanding in both directions. And if it helps, offer up a me day in return. More fun for all. I think Brad finally took me up on that just this past weekend, and it was such a gift to both of us. I was overjoyed when I got to do my me day, but I was even more overjoyed when he took one in return.

Brad went to a double movie feature, Oppenheimer, and then he went to dinner and then he went to Barbie and I got to join him for Barbie 'cause I hired a babysitter for that part. And it filled us both with that same. Empathy and connection and understanding and joy. So that can be a part of the way for you to maybe sweeten the deal to say, I would love to do this for you.

Can you do this for me regardless of even if they do it for you, just so you know. Okay. So we've covered money. We spent a lot of time on childcare 'cause that in my experience has been a big obstacle for a lot of women. But the third one applies to everybody, whether or not you have children in the home or you'd care take elderly on the elderly around you.

Maybe. Anyway, I'm gonna go off of that, but let's just say any caretaking responsibilities. This obstacle's also huge. It's just the feeling that you don't deserve it. Maybe you feel like you don't deserve to take a step outside of your responsibilities because you're not doing too well at showing up to them.

What if you're asking the wrong question? What if in saying, instead of saying, do I deserve this? Maybe you can say, doing this will help me show up better to those responsibilities. Maybe another element to you not feeling like you deserve it is because you don't feel like you're stressed enough to really deserve it.

You're like, oh, my life is pretty great. Like I don't get a lot of time to myself, but I'm also not like really depressed or super stressed out. I'm just bored. You still deserve this too. It doesn't have to take you almost falling apart to have some extra reserve time set aside outside of responsibilities just to and for yourself.

Those were the three of the biggest. And if I were coaching, you'd be able to dig into way more of the buts that come up for you. But I wanna say one more thing about any of the buts you might be experiencing right now in your mind, and you're thinking, but Monica, but this, but that. Those obstacles, those but obstacles are masking something.

They are masking fears. Fears that you have behind taking this time for yourself. Maybe you have a fear of being selfish. It's not about asking your partner to step up. It's a fear of being selfish in the asking. Maybe you have a fear of inconveniencing someone or annoying them. Maybe you have a fear of being too much fear of not deserving it too, which we talked about.

When you consider those obstacles and those buts, I want you to get critical of them. And as you're getting critical, get clear about what the fears are behind them, and then I want you to have the courage to prove those fears wrong. In the doing. In the doing. I think you'll find. That it's not being selfish.

It's a gift given both ways. It's not about inconvenience, inconveniencing someone or being seen as too much. It's seeing that you are worth this time and it's okay to ask for it and to give it to yourself too. Remember, time to yourself is paramount to being yourself and the people who love you deserve for you to be yourself but friend, you deserve to be yourself too.

I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I'll now share the progress pointers from this episode. These are the notes I took so you don't have to. Those on my newsletter, get them in a graphic form each week. You can sign up at about progress.com/newsletter. Number one, we need time to ourselves to be ourselves.

Number two, without that time, we get caught in the stress response cycle. Its effects are both mental and biological. Number three. Consider taking that time by planning a me day, which means time set aside to and for yourself outside of your traditional responsibilities. Number four, yes, this will most likely require some level of inconvenience from those in your life, but doing so will build more empathy, understanding and connection on both sides.

And number five, consider how the but obstacles are masking valid fears that you need to get critical of, and the courage to prove those fears wrong. I. Your do something challenge for this week is to take a me moment. All that is a simple moment where you insert me into the moment, even alongside the responsibilities.

Even better though, if you can just take a quick moment outside of them. Okay. You have my full permission to go on a five minute drive in your neighborhood, blasting your favorite song. If you follow through with that challenge and take a me moment, I would love to hear about it. You can tell me by emailing me at [email protected].

You can DM me on Instagram. If you share it on Instagram publicly, make sure you tag me at about progress. You can also leave it in a review. And lastly, that was what I was going to end with, if you love this episode. Tell me why. In a podcast review, especially on Apple Podcast slash iTunes, it helps the show in invaluable ways.

I'm so glad you took the time to listen Now, go and do something with what you learned today.

I hope this episode gave you the hug and.