How Can I Intentionally Use My Precious Alone Time? || Coaching Call with Amy

Figuring out your real priorities, envisioning your ideal, and increasing in flexibility and intention.

Have you ever had some time to yourself, and been completely unable to decide what to do with it? You're not alone in this dilemma and there are a few ways to support yourself here, just like Amy learned to do in this month's coaching call.

In this episode you'll meet Amy, a busy mom of 5, who is also in graduate school and beginning full time work in the fall. She has carved out an hour in her mornings before her children wake up, but struggles with how to use her time. We pretty quickly identify her priorities, and I challenge her to consider her fear of making trade-offs.

By introducing flexibility to her priorities, Amy is able to create her own baseline routine that she knows will build, but also be there to support her when she just needs the bare minimum. Tune in for the tools and permission to find alignment between your time and your priorities, too!

About a few other things...

Reclaim your creative power and rediscover who you actually are! If you’re ready to come back home to yourself, to be able to say that you know who you are and what matters to you, take my foundation course, “Finding Me.” It’s OK that you’ve lost parts of yourself along the way; but as you learn to anchor back into who you are and align your life to what matters to you, you’ll find that you have more strength, more fulfilment, and more creativity to bring to your important roles and responsibilities.

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TRANSCRIPT

Monica: Amy. Thanks for joining me on a coaching call today.

Amy: Yeah I'm hapy to be here,

Monica: You were so kind to be willing to do this. Let's start with a little introduction. Tell us about you.

Amy: Well, I, I, I'm so grateful to be here. Thanks for taking my question seriously, cuz it's something that I've wondered for a long time. I love personal development stuff. I love thinking about productivity and I'm not always the best at implementing it. but I love to just hear things and stick them in as it works for my life.

So I have five kids and they range in age from 18 down to eight. And I've been a stay at home mom the whole time. And when my youngest, when went to preschool and then kindergarten, I started to realize, like, I was just kind of walking in circles, like what do I do with my time? And so I decided that I wanted to go to graduate school.

And so I've been doing that for the last couple years. And in the fall I have a full-time internship lined up and I'm just gonna dive into full-time work again. So, I'm just trying to utilize, utilize my time.

Monica: You know, even, I I'm sure as a stay-at-home mom, like time is of the essence too, right? It's never not of the essence, but because of these seasonal changes and big shifts and responsibilities that come with them, we find ourselves having to meet them in different ways than we did in the past or in more intensive ways.

And so you going to school with five kids and all those responsibilities that still exist even while they're at school, that's a lot. So I just wanna honor that in you and I'm excited for your internship. So tell us what you are coming to this coaching call wondering about.

Amy: What I have in mind is specifically what to do with the morning hour. Like I know that it's kind of magical to wake up before your kids, because you can get something done. Before, you know, everything falls apart later in the day or whatever. So I really believe in waking up earlier than my kids to do something of mine.

I, my main question is, is how do I decide what to do with that magical hour? That will be the best use of my time. And so that I'm not wasting it. So that, that's kind of the direction of what I'm wanting

Monica: So with this question, I'm gonna have a few follow up questions. So do you typically have a set aside hour already in the morning that already exists for you?

Amy: Yes. And, and luckily it's grown a bunch during the summer cuz now my kids sleep in more. So I do have some more time now, but I definitely have just like I wake up and I know that, you know, after my husband is leaving that I've got, okay, I've got this time, I've got about an hour and then I don't know what will happen after that.

So that's how it is

Monica: full reactive mode. So this is your time to be really intentional because the rest of the day can be pretty reactive in nature. So you need to be more flexible in responding to the needs of your kids and also the needs of your, your schoolwork and upcoming work full-time work. So this is your one hour of being intentional.

Amy: Yeah. I love that word intentional.

Monica: great. So with that time, what do you want to do? During that time, like, what are to fit in? Ideally?

Amy: Okay. So if you wanna know my, I kind of have thought about three different things. So number one, when I started out waking up earlier than my kids, I, it was my time for gospel study where I just, it was quiet. My mind was fresh and it was so life changing, just a time to reflect and be enlightened and start up my day on like the perfect foot.

And that was amazing.

Okay.

So that is one big thing that's important to me to do first thing in the morning. So then I started to like, I would always exercise, but like with my kids and like, You know, it's just like kids climbing on you and you get interrupted and it's just hard. Or I like don't shower all day because I didn't finish my workout or whatever.

So then I decided if I could do my exercising a really good workout during that hour, like it's, it has to be in the morning, first thing. And so then I shifted. To exercise in the morning. And it was amazing. Started out the day. Awesome feeling, good energy, feeling so healthy. And then I could like shower and move on with the day.

And so that was great, but then I'm like, ah, but I didn't do my gospel study and I missed that. And I would kind of, yeah, I just kind of feel a guilt and I couldn't figure out how to fit it in my day later, cuz I didn't have that set time. And then just the same story was starting school and then I realized, oh, I should get my homework done.

First thing in the morning, cuz then I knock it out and then I don't have to worry about it all day. So it's just kind of this conundrum that just, just keeps happening. So I would say those things are the, the, the important things for me to have set aside time.

Monica: I do love that already, you know, within that hour, what your top priorities are. That's good because it's really easy to get swept away with feeling paralyzed because of how many things you want to do or feel like you should be doing, but you're right. Even within those, any single one of those is going to take up that time pretty quickly and they have different pros and cons to it.

Mm-hmm

And so do you find yourself trying to do all three? Do you find yourself doing just one primarily? Like how does that actually play out for you?

Amy: Well, the best. I know that the best thing is to just do one, just focus and do one. I have tried to do two. And that work that has been working better for me in the summer, cuz I have some more time, but it's usually I try and do the more important thing first. And then the other thing I could, I could get interrupted if I needed to.

Monica: Okay.

Amy: But I was going to add kind of the frustration that I have, where I've got these three things and I like before I go to bed, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do this thing in the morning. And then. When I wake up, my brain starts to go. Oh, but, and I, maybe the problem is, is that I stay in bed. You know, I'm thinking about it where I'm, instead of jumping up, I'm just like, oh, but I, I was gonna do that thing, but maybe the other thing is more important or I really wanted to go for a run or, and then I start just second guessing myself. And then I, it's just easier to stay in bed and then I just sleep and then I wake up and the hour is gone. And so then I feel like it worse. So

Monica: Mm-hmm . This is honestly really natural and common to happen when you have such highly important, but still competing priorities. That's why you're staying in bed, right? Because you're not uncomfortable doing those things. What you're uncomfortable doing is making trade offs

Amy: mm-hmm right,

Monica: and never feeling like I've done at all.

Amy: Right.

Monica: Cause is that happening for you? Like if you do gospel study and you don't get to exercise or homework. Do you feel like, oh, I really should have done that. Or I feel guilty or I'm so behind and vice versa. Like if you do exercise or you do your homework, do you always feel guilty about not getting the gospel study done?

Amy: Right. Yes. It's something where I, you know, all day, I'm like, oh, I need to get that done. I need to get that done. And there just isn't a set time, or, you know, Or I forget, you know, I, you know, oh, oh, I didn't study this morning. Oh. Or whatever. So it's kind of both things where it just doesn't quite fit in the day

Monica: Okay.

Amy: there isn't the time that magical time set aside for it.

Monica: Got it. Okay. So with those three priorities gospel study exercise slash getting ready, which is kind of two things there too. Right. And, and homework, but we'll just keep it we'll just say that's one thing with those three, do they need to happen every day?

Amy: The homework doesn't necessarily. Cuz if I get it done, if I happen to get it done, then

Monica: Okay. That one's more flexible.

Amy: it's a little bit more flexible, but it's also urgent certain days. The

Monica: Mm-hmm okay. And

Amy: exercising. No, it doesn't. I don't have to every day.

Monica: You know, when I say have to, I think my real question should have been, do you want them to happen every. Are they three priorities for you that you're like these make or break how I'm able to show up to my day to my responsibilities and your answers might be the same.

Amy: yeah. As long as the homework is done, then I'm fine that I didn't, you know, study extra or whatever. As long as my assignments are done or I've done, you know, the majority of the reading or something, I don't feel bad about not doing it. Like, oh, I feel a loss cuz I didn't get to it.

Yes, the gospel study is something that I want to do every day. And the exercise now that you mention it? No, it is not a daily priority for me. It's more of like three or four times a week priority for me.

Monica: Okay, great. So that helps us see there's one for sure that you're like this makes or breaks my. And the other two are more flexible and reactive in nature. Meaning like one in lesson needs to be done. You need to do it, but that doesn't happen every day. And same with exercise. So what this can open us up to is to have more weirdly when you have more limitations, like you're limiting it down to your most important things.

And you're also being able to see this is inflexible and these are flexible. Have owning those limitations. Will somehow give you more freedom to choose how you're gonna go about them. A and before we do that though, I wanna go a little deeper on a few things that have come up before we do the practical side of this.

Okay.

Amy: Okay.

Monica: I've already mentioned you've got these competing priorities, but alongside them a fear of trade offs.

Amy: yes.

Monica: Okay. Within that fear of trade offs, what I see come up a lot in both myself and the woman I work with is that one of the trade offs we don't wanna make is doing a habit or a routine differently than we did in the past.

Amy: Okay.

Monica: So we don't give ourselves flexibility to meet our season. Like this is the way I exercise. This is the way I study. This is the way I do gospel study.

Amy: Mm-hmm

Monica: So if I can't do that, then I can't do it.

Amy: Hmm. Okay.

Monica: So there's some like a fear of making trade offs also is a fear of flexibility, like doing it in a different way

Amy: Hmm.

Monica: and opening

Amy: That's fascinating.

Monica: Yeah. And we do that.

Amy: I've I've never thought of it as a fear and yeah, I it's true. Like the ideal is one hour focused, but it can't always be that way. So thanks for pointing that out.

Monica: well, I mean, I need someone to point it out to me all the time, too. This is why having a mirror is really helpful. So we do have the ideal version

Amy: mm-hmm

Monica: and it's good to have ideals of what we want and what we're striving for, but we also have to be real about our season of life. with that, our responsibilities that we need to meet and how that needs to shift in our approach to the responsibilities.

It doesn't mean we're throwing the baby out with a bath water and just saying, well, I can't do it. It's maybe more, I'm going to do it in a different way.

Okay.

Amy: Yeah,

Yeah

Monica: Does that make sense?

Amy: it does.

Monica: What does that bringing up for you related to your morning?

Amy: The, on the one hand I'm thinking, we just figured out that my top priority for that time is gospel study. So I should just always do that. On the other hand, sometimes I want an early morning workout. Like I'm actually in the mood and I feel like I should jump on that, cuz it's not often that I want to.

So. I guess that's where I have a little bit of a concern is because I feel like my top priority. I should just always do that. But what if I wanna throw in a workout? Does that mess up the whole system?

Monica: Not if you allow there to be some flexibility in how you do your gospel study.

Amy: Mm-hmm

Monica: And this is where I want to repotentialize this situation with you. And just thinking about like, what could my gospel study look like, what could my exercise program look like when else in the day, could I exercise if I wanna do another part or if I still prefer the morning, how can I exercise in a way that is realistic to my season?

Could I combine some of these? Could I do my gospel study while I'm exercising in certain ways? Could I shorten it? Could it just be about what's first is first. So I spend five minutes doing gospel study. And then I go into, you know, giving that little bit of flexibility. So it's not about since this is the top priority.

Doesn't mean it has to get all of the time. Maybe it's just first in the lineup.

Amy: Great. Love it. So it's first but not, doesn't have to be all.

Monica: Mm-hmm . And what's good about this Amy, on those days where you do need more sleep or you're just struggling to get out of bed because that will happen.

Amy: yeah.

Monica: Because you're human, right? If you have a, more of a baseline version of even the spiritual study habit that you can do on your worst of day, you can still do that in just a few minutes

Amy: right.

Monica: and have it not all be out the window.

And the same thing with the exercise and the homework routines of having smaller baseline versions of these, that means you can still be consistent with.

Amy: Right. Okay. Okay. That was very helpful. So it can still be top priority, but it can be shorter. And so that I can move on to the next thing. If I, if that feels like a priority.

Monica: For sure, like, let's say one day you wake up and your kids have places to, to go. You have a homework assignment that needs to happen that day. And this is your only opportunity to exercise. So what if your morning is still consistent in terms of priority. So you spend one minute doing spiritual study and that counts, and then you go, or you listen to some spiritual things while you go on a 20 minute walk.

And then after that you spend 20 minutes doing your homework and then you shower

Amy: Okay.

Monica: because you've given yourself that flexibility. Yeah,

Amy: Right. Okay. Okay. That's great that I love the way that you worded it too, cuz I, I tend to think like, oh, I failed, you know, so I'm glad that the word flexible is like, no, I was flexible with what I had and, and I, you know, did what I wanted to do, how I needed to do it. So

Monica: So I teach us a lot more in the sticky habit methods. So I wasn't trying to like give you a whole lecture there, but the point is is we as women. We need our habits to be consistent. But the biggest thing that is making that impossible are our competing responsibilities that require us to be so reactive and responsive.

So our way of being consistent is by being more flexible.

Amy: Hm. Okay. Great.

Monica: So of the, these three priorities. Tell me, like, what would be your, maybe we can repotentialize now. Like what could these look like? And you can just kind of, you know, throw spaghetti at the walls, see what sticks, what sounds good. You can kind of brainstorm.

Amy: Mm-hmm well, I think you've given me some good ideas about listening to study material like gospel study materials. To be able to do other things or to be able to fit it in to, yeah. Sorry. Be able to fit it into other things. I like that I like that. One thing I have been doing. You mentioned walking.

I, I love walking and I've decided, and I've realized that walking, you can kind of fit it in whenever, because you don't have to shower or you don't, you can go as long as you have good shoes or whatever, you know, you could do it while running errands or whatever. So I have kind of snuck in exercise by walking, learning that that's a, a little tool that I can use for exercise.

And then with doing my homework I mean, are we talking like how to do my homework sometime during the day or just in the morning?

Monica: I still see that one as flexible. So that's can be as an ad as needed basis. So you, you know, you, you already said like the night before you think about what you need to do the next day, but if you like in the morning and that special power hour that you have before the kids get up. So automatically though, and we're gonna talk about this next.

We want you to have a stable way of starting the. Even if it's like just a two minute routine that you can do on your worst of day that incorporates the gospel study highest priority. But that night before is when you can think about, well, how am I gonna do, like, do I need to do the homework stuff? So let's think about how I'm going to adapt my other priorities there for in the morning.

Or you can say, Nope, I can do that during lunchtime, or I can do it in the afternoon.

Amy: Okay. Okay. So it comes down to like making, like, thinking about my day, the day before and what needs to get done, what the priorities are. And then how do I need to be flexible in my,

Monica: mm-hmm

Amy: other things to fit the priority in. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I can see that with homework cuz I know when the deadlines are and I know, you know how my schedule is and I don't have any time.

And so I can see that that I, I can prioritize it in the morning as I need it.

Monica: As needed. Okay. So with this, I'm just gonna share back with you, some of your ideas of rep potential. This maybe you can blend some prior priorities, like doing some, some kind of spiritual practice while you are walking or exercising, maybe walking at other times of the day, maybe just incorporating, walking into grocery shopping or what, you know, parking farther away, like have having some flexibility there. And homework, just inserting that when and how you need, just thinking about that ahead of time, whether that's going to be the morning or a different time. So does that all sound good to you? Like those options?

Amy: Yeah.

Monica: I want you to leave though, with a way to like a dependable, clear way of how you're going to do this. We have the ideal. Now an ideal is an hour of focus for gospel, exercise and homework, and maybe splitting it between the three on like some of, you know, some days. Okay.

That's a very ideal version, but let's come up with one and, you know, that's kind of like the high, the high line of where you wanna go. We wanna go to the baseline version of how you can just start in a dependable way, even on your worst of days, because your habits shouldn't be designed for your best of days. They should be designed to support you on your worst of days.

Amy: Right. And I have heard you say that and I'm glad you're repeating it to me. so,

Monica: And for me too. So let's come up with your worst of day baseline version of how you can start your day while still honoring your most important priority of gospel study. So that way you can always start the day the same and not get lost in that loop that you kind of get into like waking up and thinking about, well, maybe I should do this first or that first, or I feel so stuck because I can't do it that way.

So what's our baseline?

Amy: I would say the most important thing that I can do any day is just pray. Just say a prayer. I would love to say I'd throw in a couple verses of scripture or something or listening to something, but definitely I can pray.

Okay.

Monica: You did it. See, sometimes people are like, oh, the, you know, the, the worst version of this is I can do 20 minutes of intense scripture study and you're like, Hmm, can you do that on your very worst of day? so we have an ideal. Now we have your baseline. So let's break this down into a clear. What I call a WTA for you.

So this is we'll just start with actually the WT T here, the A takes a lot more time to explain. So let's just do a, when then pairing. So when I, and you can tell me what's the triggering behavior or the habit that already happens, maybe your feet hit the floor. Maybe you stretch when you wake up, maybe you turn off your alarm.

Maybe you turn on the light. Like, is there something pretty clear there that we can attach your new then to your new baseline behavior of saying a prayer?

Amy: Well, it's going to involve going to the bathroom.

Monica: Perfect. That's honestly, most people's first thing. That's great.

Amy: number one thing.

Monica: So

Amy: So probably sure. Yeah. When I wash my hands and walk back into my room.

Monica: when I wash my hands,

Amy: I say a prayer

Monica: And how do you typically do that? Or what would be like the worst a day version of this? Like, would you still just knee down next to your bed? Would you even kneel down in the bathroom? Would you just stand and say the prayer while you wash your hands? You know

Amy: I would kneel down in the closet. I mean, I've done that before. So that would probably be the most likely thing

Monica: And do you typically go to your closet to get dressed? No matter what. Oh

Amy: well, no, well, I have to, I have to like walk through my closet,

Monica: Oh, okay.

Amy: so, so it's, it's on the way to the, to the bedroom. So yeah, it's something that I have to do. So I wash my hands, I walk through the closet and I could just pray.

Right.

Monica: Meal and pray. Okay. So when I walk through my closet and you'll know what that's connected to, then I'll knee down and pray.

Amy: mm-hmm

Monica: So that's, that's your baseline version. and, you know, trickle down effect happens really often when you have that consistency in place, meaning the more you do this more consistently, the more easily and more consistently, you'll be able to build where you're like, now I can read reverse.

Amy: Mm-hmm

Monica: And that becomes your baseline. Well, I actually can do five minutes and that eventually is your baseline of what you do on your worst of days until. More often than not, you actually meet your ideal and maybe your ideal is 10 minutes of deep, intentional, cause that's probably the word you're going for more than time,

Amy: Mm-hmm

Monica: and even intensity.

It's just the intention behind it. If we're going back to the beginning of our conversation, 10 minutes of intentional study, and that will happen more and more until it becomes your baseline too, which is kind of fun. Your baselines grow.

Amy: Right? Yeah. That that's exciting. Okay.

Monica: But, you know, what's great though, about baselines, when you have another seasonal shift, like you start your job in the fall and your kids are all going back to school, you can always go back to that very first baseline that will always be there for you.

Amy: okay, cool. It's like this foundation, that's just there. Okay.

Monica: Yeah. So if I were to ask you what your, you can take away from this conversation, what would you say?

Amy: I would say that I need to be flexible. I honestly, one huge thing is that I learned what my number one thing is, is just, I need to do something gospel related.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Amy: Whether it just be the one minute thing or. And I love the word intentional or some intentional study, and I need to be aware of the needs of the day and be flexible based on what needs to get done. But like, I need to have a plan. Like I need to think about it first so that I can execute it. In the moment

Monica: Mm-hmm and all while being aware of your season

Amy: mm-hmm

Monica: and

Amy: right.

Monica: also your wants, cuz those are allowed to be part of the equation.

Amy: Right. Yeah.

Monica: Well, this is great, Amy. You just helped me remember things I needed today. So I appreciate your time. Thank you very much.

Amy: Yeah. Thank you. I really appreciate just sorting all this out with you.